Over the Hill Part 2

Again, I'm not referring to my age. This time rather, I'm referring to the age my body has felt this week. As I expected, the side effects of the new drug took a few days to kick in and by Tuesday I was feeling like a grandma, mainly because of the body aches. Dr. K. had told me exactly what to expect, so I was not surprised. He's right all the time! Although I ignored doctor's orders and didn't take any of the anti-nausea pills this week. Luckily, I haven't been nauseous yet and with this new drug, the chance of nausea is much more mild so he suggested I take them as precautionary. Since those pills make me loop-di-loopy, I decided not to take them and thankfully did not need to. I'll confess to Dr. K. Thursday!

Despite the aches and pains, this week was easier to deal with than previous weeks-after-chemo, when I was on the first two chemo drugs. I've had aches and pains plenty of times before in my life thanks to the flu or muscle soreness, so it wasn't terribly unbearble and it was nothing like the fatigue felt with my first four treatments. Fatigue is a total body, energy zapping, right down to the core of your bones lethargy that killed my mood and spirits at times. Body and bone aches aren't exactly pleasant, but I was still able to work nearly every day this past week and have some energy. But I certainly took it easy.

It's been a week since treatment #5 and I feel back to normal. My scarf collection continues to grow thanks to my wonderful friends and family, who all know exactly what colors and prints look great on me. Time to go pick one out and see some of those wonderful friends at a bridal shower!

Over the Hill

No, this title does not refer to my age! Today was my fifth chemo treatment, meaning I have three left! I started a new drug today (Taxol) which is fortunately supposed to be easier to tolerate than the first two drugs I was on. My fourth treatment left me with the worst fatigue so far. It kicked in during the end of treatment and it took me a week to get somewhat back to normal. Needless to say, I'm happy to be done with Adriamycin/Cytoxan. Luckily I was well enough to be at Yankee Stadium last Saturday for A-Rod's walk off homerun! It was a wonderful moment for Yankee fans, and A-Rod as well, who needed a heroic hit like that to win fans over again after his steroid scandel. I personally believe he hit it just for me!

I felt like Caroline again during the second week after treatment, and I've noticed that I'm so happy those weeks no matter what's going on. It's my week to not think about cancer, not feel like I'm sick, and enjoy those days of feeling well until the next treatment.

Speaking of my fifth treatment today, I was nervous because while the drug is easier to tolerate, the chance of having an allergic reaction is high so I had to take a heavy dose of precautionary medications to minimize that risk. One of those drugs included an injection of Benadryl, which made me feel like I took ten shots of Grey Goose in less than a minute. First came the goofy smile and giggling, then I made a stupid joke and laughed hysterically at myself, and then I passed out cold for two and a half hours...all in less than two minutes. But I had no reaction and have felt well all day so far. Side effects are most likely to kick in over the next few days so hopefully the rumors about Taxol being easier are true!

Since I was asleep for awhile during treatment, I missed any humorous hijinks that went on around me, although I did get to witness Dad reading the Cliff's Notes version of Macbeth when we arrived to the Infusion Center. Apparently he found a whole bunch of old Cliff's Notes somewhere in his attic (those must have belonged to my brothers and not to me. I would never, wink wink :).

I hope everyone, including me, gets out at some point to enjoy this long Memorial Day weekend! Being able to say that I'm more than halfway done with chemotheraphy is reason enough for me to celebrate with a Bubba Burger and potato salad! Whatever your reasons are, I hope you enjoy.

A Springtime Drive

Springtime weather has finally made its way to Jersey.  The warm weather, sunshine, and flowers make me energized and eager to get to the end of the school year and the start of summer. 

One of my favorite springtime firsts is driving with the windows down.  In the past, I’ve never been able to drive with all four windows entirely down because my hair was always flapping around and getting in my face, even if it were in a ponytail.  I’d leave the windows open enough to catch the breeze but not enough to make my hair look like a bird’s nest upon arrival to my destination. 

My new (lack of) hair style, however, has allowed me to really feel what it’s like to drive with the windows all the way down.  With only the tail of my scarf swirling in the breeze, it makes it easy to really feel the wind as I cruise around.  On a particularly daring drive I chose to wear nothing on my head and felt the refreshing, exhilarating sensation of the wind while driving slightly above the speed limit on the Garden State Parkway.  As I leaned my head out the window I thought that this must be what dogs feel like when they’re in the car and sticking their heads out the window.  Since I was driving I couldn’t exactly stick my whole head out the window, but now I completely understand why dogs love doing it so much.  What a rush!

I’ve made a promise to myself now.  Every spring for the rest of my life, no matter how long or short my hair is, I will drive with the windows down, stick my head slightly out the window, and not care if my hair looks like a bird’s nest upon arrival to my destination.  I’ll just be happy that it’s back and causing me all the trouble it used to!

Halftime Show

I am officially halfway through my chemo treatments! Yesterday was the last of Adriamycin/Cytoxan, and in two Fridays I'll be starting Taxol for four times. The only noteworthy comment I can make about yesterday's chemo was my window seat, which allowed me to watch all the cute doctors walk by on their way into the hospital. Anyway, after my next four treatments I'll be done with chemo and looking forward to a month off before surgery so that I can enjoy the summer!

I feel very fortunate that the only side effects I experienced so far have been fatigue and hair loss. All of the information I received on A and C listed numerous other side effects that are possible but that I thankfully didn't have to experience. I asked Dr. K. on Thursday what to expect from Taxol, since I was nervous about starting a new drug since the first set wasn't that bad for me. He informed me that people tend to handle Taxol even better than A and C so hopefully that goes the same for me and is not the opposite! I asked him if my hair would start growing back while on Taxol and he laughed and said no. I know I know...be patient.

After a thorough breast exam, Dr. K. also informed me that the size of the tumor is decreasing! I have been able to tell that myself since after my second chemo treatment, but it made me feel better to hear confirmation from my oncologist.

With warm weather on the way, a shrinking tumor in my breast, and a trip to Yankee stadium planned for next Saturday, I have plenty to smile about!

Sammy Dallas

My last post described my discovery of The Lump, so I thought I would continue this trip to the past and discuss the weeks following my diagnosis and leading up to my first chemo treatment.  I refer to this period of time as Sammy Dallas.  This name comes from my (late) dog’s name and my mother’s maiden name, the common formula for a person’s x-rated movie star name.  With all these strange eyes and hands on my breasts, an x-rated star is exactly what I've felt like!

After looking over my appointment book and recalling all the doctors and nurses, I came up with 20 people who have had some visual and/or physical contact with my breasts since The Lump.  The majority of these people were women, however, I thought it worthy to comment on the four men.  

The first was a young, handsome, visiting pathologist from Mt. Sinai in New York City, who I could not look at directly because I knew I’d start giggling.  The second was my oncologist, Dr. K., who can’t be more than five years older than I am.  I see him every two weeks so he’s gotten to know me and my breasts very well.  The last two were different plastic surgeons I saw for consultations.  The first was an older, seasoned surgeon who showed me a photo album of his work, so I saw nearly a hundred before and after pictures of breasts in shapes and sizes I never even imagined could grow.  When that mortification was over, he asked me if he could take a picture for “future surgical reference.”  The picture was of my breasts only, but I still felt that I deserved monetary compensation, especially since he was flying out for a “conference” that day and I pictured him going through his digital slideshow of breasts to pass time on the airplane.  The second plastic surgeon mostly talked about himself while I sat on the table with the flimsy paper vest open so he could reference, point to, and poke my breasts as he described various procedures he is capable of doing. 

Breast viewings have since decreased now that I’m undergoing chemo, but only temporarily.  With a breast surgeon appointment and MRI coming up, it won’t be long before Sammy Dallas gets to make another appearance on the examining table!

Spreading the Awareness

I've been off from work this whole week for my Spring Break, which coincided well with my third treatment so that I could take this week to recover.  "Recovering" for me also meant going shopping, having lunch with friends I haven't seen in awhile, walking on the track near my house, and spending last night at my brother Chris's and being attacked by his three dogs (Dachshund, mini Dachshund, and pit bull) with love and sloppy doggy kisses.

I've also had some time to think about the events of the last few months, which then made me think all the way back to the beginning of this whole experience:  the discovery of The Lump.  I wanted to share my story of discovery in hopes of encouraging other women and men to put their hands on their breasts and have a good, long feel!

I never did the official Breast Self Exam.  We're told about it by doctors, but I felt that daily showering and dressing and undressing was enough for me to feel my breasts and take notice of them.  And getting dressed was exactly how I discovered the lump.  

It was mid-January.  I had just hooked on a bra and was adjusting my breasts when I felt it, on my left upper breast towards the outside (closer to the armpit).  Since I was going to the gym regularly and taking conditioning classes with free weights, I thought maybe it was a muscle or something else I stupidly rationalized.  When I started feeling pain within a few days of feeling it, I called my doctor and went for an appointment at the end of January.  When she examined it she said it's common for women to develop benign breast tumors, but to have it biopsied.  And here I am.

Screening and detecting breast cancer among women under 35 is extremely difficult.  Breast tissue is incredibly dense in younger women, so it's difficult for mammograms to detect lumps, which is why mammograms aren't even recommended until a woman is 35.  We need to know our bodies and trust our instincts if something doesn't feel right, which my lump certainly did not.  Having no family history of breast cancer doesn't mean anything, as I clearly exemplify.  

My hope is that everyone who has been reading this post has been getting to know their breasts as they are reading.  This goes for men too!  We can all read and squeeze at the same time!

Thanks for allowing me my moment to preach.  Happy squeezing!