My Chemo Playlist

I sometimes listen to my iPod during chemo, which has a huge collection of songs in a playlist I labeled Hospital. There are way too many songs to name on that list, but it's a selection of music I thought would make chemo more enjoyable, along with the recliner, free food and beverages, and waving to all the (much) older patients as I take one of my many trips to the bathroom while toting my IV cart.

I decided to make a mix cd to listen to in the car on the way to chemo, rather than listen to whichever XM station my father/chaffeur happens to have on in his car that morning. I call it Songs that make me Happy, and yesterday was my first day trying it out. The trip is suppossed to take only 20 minutes, and my appointment is early enough to avoid morning rush hour traffic on Route 4 East as commuters make their way to the George Washington Bridge to get to their jobs in New York City. Yesterday's trip took more like 45 minutes because of a bad accident, so Dad and I got to listen to nearly the entire cd. The song list is below, along with some comments my father made while listening to them. His music tastes stopped evolving in the 1970s, so all of this music was very new to him.

I suggest these songs to anyone who needs to be put in a good mood no matter where you're going. Enjoy!

Jai Ho (from the Slumdog Millionare soundtrack); "What's he saying? Tally ho? What language is this?"
Falling Slowly (from the Once sondtrack): "This is a nice song...I like it."
Killer Queen (Queen): "Queenie!"
Rock and Roll (Eric Hutchinson)
Falling (Tyrone Wells)
Electronica Bellydance (Mezdeke): "Is this another Slumdog song?"
Come on get Higher (Matt Nathanson): "Is this about pot?"
Single Ladies (Beyonce): "So she's saying she won't screw a guy until he marries her?"
Broken Strings (James Morrison and Nelly Furtado)
She Holds a Key (Gavin DeGraw): "This is a nice song."
The Kid with the Pointy Shoes (Thing-One): "What boys wear pointy shoes?"
Lifesize (A Fine Frenzy): "I like her voice better than the one about putting a ring on it to get in on it, or whatever the hell she sang."
Yellow Rose (Christopher Jak)

I will be happy to suggest more! For me, the music I listen to can change my mood and relax me. It's probably why my blood pressure (always taken before chemo) was a cool and calm 99/68 yesterday. People would pay for that blood pressure!

I'm a Victim of the CSI!

I want to take a moment to share with everyone how fantastic my co-workers have been during this whole experience. A group of anonymous co-workers has teamed up to form the CSI: Chemo Survival Initiative. Nearly every day, I arrive to my classroom with a surprise left for me by the CSI. First, it was a mini fridge stocked with water and juice. I was given a laptop to borrow by the technology director, so the CSI gave me a hot pink foam case for it, along with a raspberry-colored tote to carry it. Today, the day before my third treatment, they left me gossip magazines and lip balm. I'm getting spoiled! Being at work has allowed me to still feel like a functioning member of society, so thanks to my co-workers and the CSI for taking such good care of me!

I saw my oncologist today for my standard, pre-chemo check-up so I'm all set for treatment #3 tomorrow. My doctor loved my new "gypsy" look, and he declared that my earrings really give me some "flair." We'll see what everyone at the Infusion Center thinks of it tomorrow!

Once chemo is over tomorrow, my Spring Break officially starts and I get to kick it off by baby-sitting my 14 month old nephew! I know that no matter what happens tomorrow, one look at that handsome little guy and I'll be smiling.

A Touching Post

My good friend "Mikey" is a fellow blogger who writes with comedy and class too. His blog contains entertaining anecdotes about his current dating life in his quest to find a "wifey."

Mikey also happens to be my ex-boyfriend, although we broke up so many years ago that I don't even refer to him as that. He's just my friend. We were friends before we dated and, although it took some time, were able to become friends again after breaking up and we have been for many years.

He took a break from his usual blogging topic of dating to write a touching post about me on April 20th on his blog, which I would like to share with the readers of my blog.

Mikey doesn't give himself enough credit. He admires me for my "stubborn courage" when he possesses the same unique quality that has enabled him to face his challenges as well. It was probably the only thing we had in common when we dated! He's a devoted friend, excellent advice giver, horrible speller, and ladies...he's single!

A Tribute to Ancient Greece

A few days have passed and I’ve adjusted to my new look.  I was fitted for a wig prior to losing my hair, but I’m not quite sure how I feel about it.  It’s high quality and a cute style, but it’s not exactly me.  My natural hair is dark, curly, dry, and frizzy.  With the help of numerous products and practice with tools, I’ve learned how to make my hair presentable.  It’s never perfect but always in control, while being slightly untamed at the same time.  In fact, that’s exactly how I would describe myself! 

I took home the wig right after I had my head shaved.  I wore it for a couple of hours and found that it gave me a headache.  As mentioned, I have different head scarves that I’ve been wearing to work and out in public, and I think I prefer them over the wig.  They are each multi-colored with beautiful patterns and I’ve gotten many compliments from friends, co-workers, students, and strangers.  I’ve been told I look suave, foreign, exotic, like a Greek goddess, adorable, beautiful, cute, fashionable, hot, and sophisticated.  Since the scarves are made of cotton they are extremely lightweight, very comfortable, and able to be worn all day.

For now, this is my new look. Of course I prefer the original me, but I’m having fun matching outfits to my scarves and wearing big, funky earrings and necklaces to give myself that exotic, gypsy look.  Who knows?  Maybe my ancient Greek ancestors were poor peasants who wore scarves on their heads, togas on their bodies, and worshipped the gods at the temple of Pallas Athena.  But I’m sure that underneath their scarves they had the same dark, curly, dry, frizzy hair that I look forward to taming again one day!

It Will Grow Back

I knew I was going to lose my hair.  I was cautioned that after the second treatment is when the significant hair loss begins, so I was not surprised.  Traumatized?  Absolutely.  But like the good little Girl Scout I was as a child, I am prepared with a collection of adorable head scarves and a wig.  Once it started coming out in handfuls I handed my mother a pair of scissors and said one word:  “Chop.”  She obliged, I cried, and ten seconds later it was over. 

Now that I looked like my one-year-old nephew cut my hair, the next step was for the full on buzz cut.  I called up my hair stylist, Anthony, and asked him if he would do the honors.  He said, “It’s a date!”  I reminded him that I was bringing my brothers to chaperone our “date,” which thrilled him because he cuts their hair regularly as well and finds them almost as hilarious as I do. 

My older brothers are quite a sight to look at.  They are nearly 6’6”, built like linebackers, and are identical twins.  I happen to think they are the two funniest people in the world.  I knew shaving my head was going to be upsetting, but if anyone could make me laugh during this experience, it would be Frankie and Chris. 

As we were escorted to the private room in the back where the buzzing took place (“Private room…classy,” Chris remarked), I could feel the tears in my eyes and knew I was about to lose it.  But as I sat down, Frankie commented on all the inappropriate things that probably go on in this private room, which led Anthony into a boss-bashing tirade, and the comedy routine ensued!  They talked about how the Yankees were in the midst of embarrassing themselves on their opening day at the new Yankee stadium, told dirty jokes about each other and Anthony’s boss, and by the end of the shaving session Frankie and Chris were serenading me with a hilarious rendition of Nothing Compares to You, by controversial female bald singer Sinead O’Conner.  After remarking that my forehead no longer looks like a "fivehead" (they've teased me since birth about my big forehead!), I knew I would have the courage to swing my chair around and face the mirror. 

I could not have done this without my brothers there.  Thanks to them I laughed through the whole ordeal and when I finally looked in the mirror, I saw their reflections looking right at me with goofy grins on their faces as they said simultaneously, “Yeeeeeeeeeeep.”  How could I not laugh at that moment?

Lessons in Italian Cooking

My second treatment took place on April 10th. There's really nothing too remarkable to report about. I showed up at 8am and chose a chair right next to the window. I sat in my sea foam-colored recliner, this time armed with various forms of entertainment provided by my wonderful friends and family, including my iPod, a laptop on loan, a portable DVD player, books, and magazines. My powerport was successfully and nearly painlessly accessed for treatment and the hours flew by!

Perhaps the most entertaining part of treatment was listening to Dad and Mary, my nurse for the day, bond over Italian cooking tips. Dad suggested the lasagna noodles that don't need to be precooked, while Mary prefers meatballs made with a combination of meats and not just beef. They debated the pros and cons of using crushed tomatoes or tomato puree when making their own sauce (the pride and joy of any Italian cook!), and by the end of treatment had swapped Easter menus as I sat there with my stomach roaring, hoping that the nasty metallic taste in my mouth (a common chemo side effect) will hold off so that I can enjoy spiral ham, stuffed shells, green bean casserole, roasted potatoes, and corn with my parents, brothers, sisters-in law, and handsome one year old nephew.

Easter Sunday will be missing the original "classy broad," my grandmother, who passed away last Friday on the 41st anniversary of her husband's funeral. She loved her family dearly and her kindness, cheerfulness, and quirkiness will be missed tremendously. Family gatherings will never be the same without Grandma's signature question whenever she was offered a drink: "You mean booze?"

Happy Easter!

I'm a Superhero!

Prior to receiving my first chemo treatment, I had surgery to implant a “powerport” in my body. This port serves as the landing ground for nearly every sharp object that needs to be poked into me. This is where blood is taken from my body and drugs are injected into it.

The port is a quarter-sized, heart shaped piece of titanium about 2cm thick. It’s located on the right side of my body, near my collar bone, and looks like a little bulge under my skin. It’s usually hidden underneath clothing, but as the weather warms up and my wardrobe becomes more revealing, you just may catch a glimpse.

In order to make this powerport more interesting, I’ve convinced myself that it’s not made of titanium, it’s made of “adamantium.” For any fellow X-Men dorks (I mean fans), you know that adamantium is the fictional metal alloy that was implanted into Wolverine’s body. Get him fired up and the metal comes shooting from his knuckles and he looks like a stronger, meaner, and much more masculine version of Edward Scissorhands. Now that I have a small piece of adamantium in my own body, that makes me Wolverine’s female counterpart (and let’s face it ladies, who wouldn’t want to be Hugh Jackman’s female counterpart!). I thought I needed a superhero name, but since Wolverine and Caroline end in the same three letters, all I need to do is change the pronunciation to Caro-lean. So next time you see me, be sure not to fire me up or a knife may come protruding from my right clavicle and Wolverine and I will go all X-Men on you. You’ve been warned!

1st Chemo Treatment

Since today is the eve of my second chemo treatment, I figured I would write about my first one, which took place nearly two weeks ago on Friday, March 27th. During my two hours at the infusion center I relaxed in my recliner, listened to my iPod, and watched my father get up every ten minutes to use the bathroom. When it was over, I went home. Piece of cake!

Besides some nausea the night of the first treatment, the most significant side effect has been fatigue. I first felt it Sunday night and it was as if I took part in the Iron Man competition and won, then was beaten up by all the angry losers of the competition. Fatigue scared me because I did not like feeling so useless and I didn't know when it would end. Thankfully, by Thursday of that same week I felt like myself and have ever since! I know it won't last so I've been walking laps around my apartment in anticipation of being stuck on the coach again in a few days. I love my couch. If you've sat on it, you understand. If you haven't, I invite you to come over and sit.

Welcome!

I never considered keeping a blog before.  While I may find my life fascinating I tend to think most other people would not, so I never bothered to share it on the internet.  My life became much more fascinating after my cancer diagnosis, however, and a good friend suggested blogging as a way to keep everyone updated on my progress.  Therefore, let me formally introduce myself and welcome you to my blog:  Hi, my name is Caroline and welcome to my blog!  Expect to read plenty of comical posts about my experiences, thoughts, ideas, and feelings as I battle breast cancer.  Thanks for stopping by!